(no subject)

[substituteskull]

Three years since the outbreak and John Watson still doesn't know what to make of it. Like all doctors, he'd heeded the call of city and country as England did what all smart island nations did the moment the moment WHO released a statement that the virus had spread outside of America through international travel. It shut down completely. He'd not paid attention to the politics of it, hadn't bothered so much with the news. John had his work to do, people to treat, safety and quarantine to enforce. His world because St. Barts'.

At first, isolation seemed to work. Patriots were forced to stay outside of the relative safety of Great Britain as the airports and the Eurostar stations shut down. Ferries between the islands were discontinued.

The problem was that no one could isolate whatever it was causing humanity to change. The virus didn't seem to kill the host's brain, just every other part of their systems. A day post infection, the victim would become feverish. Two days later, they'd succumb. And after that...nothing short of dismemberment could stop them. It wasn't airbourne. And not in the blood either. Just the saliva. John had never seen anything like it. The internet called it a zombie plague, but that wasn't quite right either.

It took six months for everyone worldwide to realize that quarantine wouldn't help. Infections sprouted up for no discernible reason. People turned in the Underground, in shopping centres, on the playground. London, and the country, didn't stand a chance. The government fell overnight. Society followed.

And John just stayed on at St Barts'. He stopped trying to do the most good. And just attempted to survive.

It's not easy, even for an ex-soldier. There's no heading down to Tesco's any more. Ammo is impossible to come by. But if John, and the others holed up in St. Barts' still want to eat, someone has to go out. And that someone is almost always John.

Comments

[consulting_freak]

Sherlock has no interest in a battle for territory, but he's never taken orders from anyone in his life. Even as a child, he'd always had a problem with authority figures. Sure, he quietly obeys when it suits his purposes, but otherwise he does things how he wants, whether or not anyone around him sees his methods as conventional.

So far, John hasn't done anything that's transgressed into something for Sherlock to scoff at. It would go over poorly for both him and John if it gets to that point. Others would see someone questioning John's authority which would possibly have bad repercussions for his friend's position on the top. Without John's position, Sherlock doesn't get what he needs, either.

"Since I doubt you'll be able to remember everything - and even if you could, the idiot you have gathering the materials probably won't - I'll write out a list of chemicals and equipment I'll need," he concedes. It's not how John asked for the information, but it's an objectively better method, even if his tone is a bit guarded when he says it.

The comment about the tour being thorough just earns John a slightly uncertain look from his friend. He knows one place that he's seen people that John's failed to mention. The rooftop. That, as well as other rooms he's sure would be used for guard duty.

[substituteskull]

For all intents and purposes, there is no roof top. John has never gone there and he doesn't plan on leading Sherlock up there either. He doesn't want to view to place his friend jumped from. His dreams of it as vivid enough from the ground floor to bother with getting a bird's eye view of the pavement long since scraped of blood and coated with more and washed away again. And the guard rooms-- Well Sherlock doesn't need to know about the spaces in the other building and what they're used for either. Not right now. Secrets are not something John expects to keep from Sherlock for very long, but in all honestly, he'd never thought he'd have to either.

"All right, I'll find you a working pen. You'd not believe how difficult that's going to become in a few more years. Returning to quill and ink is going to be a set back that I hope I'm not around for." And back to joking? No. It's for show as they leave the gym. The smile is dropped almost right away the moment they cross the threshold and the doors swish quietly shut behind them.

Hiding from Sherlock is impossible and John is too tired to try it.

"I'm going to start you on a vitamin regimen like the rest of us. It's funny what looters will leave behind during an initial panic. The B-12 is only in chewables, though. Dinner ought to be in two hours back in the kitchen. It's Gabrielle's turn to cook so we'll likely be having something with beans and frost bitten meat."

Business, business.

"Until your ankle heals a bit, try to stay off the stairs, will you?" The way he's speaking, it's as if John intends to leave Sherlock on his own. And yes, that is indeed what he'd planning. The trouble is, they've had so much time apart all ready and-- "I'll meet you in your room as soon as I find a pen, all right?" As much as John seems to want to be alone, he also can't stand the thought.

[consulting_freak]

John's false joviality falls extremely flat with Sherlock. When the two of them had joked around before, it always had a propagating effect. One would smile and the other would follow. When one of them laughed, the other almost always joined in within seconds. But this time, Sherlock has no desire to so much as soften his expression.

"I think quill and ink would be the least of your worries. A minor set back compared to the dwindling human race. It's only a matter of time before the medications expire. And, the food," Sherlock mutters on their way past the gym. It's a test of the waters, that. He'd made sure his voice hadn't been loud enough to carry to anyone but John. Just how much was he going to insist on the front before it just gets to be too much weight to shoulder?

The vitamin regimen sounds like a good idea and one he'd been attempting through those powdered shakes (though, there might be a few deficiencies because those shakes don't have all essential nutrients within them.) His only comment about the idea is the off-handed remark that chewable B-12 can't be as bad as powdered milk substitute reconstituted with water. And there's no comment at all about the extremely high protein meal he has to look forward to.

There it is. Another dismissal. Not entirely unexpected, but he still doesn't want to hear it. He'd rather spend his time gritting his teeth and feeling unsettled with John by his side than alone in his room. Or worse, with some of the other people around here bothering him.

"Fine," he says through clenched teeth as he turns to face John. He's still got his size and his intensity to stare his friend down with. "Since it's so difficult being in the same room with me, I'm sure I can go quietly back to the corner. As for the pen, I've already located one, so don't bother. I'll give you the list at dinner."

[substituteskull]

In a way, Sherlock's dismissive words hurt more than John believes he can bear and yet, he does bear it as he has learned to do over the years. He'd been alone before Sherlock and alone after him. Why not learn to be alone with him too?

As much as John knew about the medical supplies, about their lack luster and expendable food sources, he'd not needed to hear it from Sherlock too. Many, many nights had been spent listening to the howling, madly infected people still roaming the streets and sitting with Bill discussing just where it is they can search next for a new source of food, for entertainment, for something to keep their dwindling band of survivors alive long enough to see one more day.

Sherlock's tongue cuts him to the quick. He has so many things to snarl at a man he never wanted to leave him but instead, and so very true to form, he holds it in. Shoulders straighten and John turns from Sherlock without a goodbye.

Nothing can be the same and to think it might have been for even a moment here or there today had been a mistake. And one John won't make again.

For the next few days, they see each other for meals that Sherlock bothers attending. John has those he misses delivered to his room or to the lab. Most of the children are ready volunteers. Bill is tasked with playing go-for for the brilliant detective, though John doesn't realize how much Bill's animosity grows because of the constant trips to the store rooms.

On the fourth day since Sherlock's arrival at Bart's, John prepares for an early morning scouting session. He plans to hike across the Waterloo bridge and if he can make it, break into the Tate Modern to see if he can retrieve any canned goods or sweets from the cafeteria or the gift shop.

It's a long day, but he doesn't go alone. The job is too big for that. Bill and Josie leave with John and none of them bother with goodbyes. It's not worth it. At least without the two ex-Army at the camp, Sherlock finds himself far more free with his wanderings. And, perhaps, far more free with his questionings too.

[consulting_freak]

Sherlock hadn't meant for John to take his dismissal so poorly, but he'd done nothing to stop his friend from retreating away from him. It was the last time he'd had a chance to speak with him one-on-one since arriving and he still wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

He'd gone back to his room straight away to get the pen he'd noticed tucked away in the spine of a writing book the other physician had been using as a diary. He'd ripped a blank sheet near the end of the book and wrote down his request, then took the book to start reading through. The handwriting was sometimes shaking and hard to read, but he managed to read thirty pages before dinner on the first night.

Throughout the next few days, Sherlock didn't approach John, nor any of the others. He remained evasive with his answers and eventually began being short with people. It was enough to push most of them away from trying to establish any meaningful connection to him. Well, the adults, anyway.

He got what few answers he could get through the physician's diary at night while he stayed in bed and didn't sleep until the small hours. Insomnia had once again taken him now that he was staying in one place and not expending as much energy. He read about the various people who had once been part of the lock down, including Molly Hooper and her unfortunate demise. Lestrade had been around too, in the beginning. There were several places in the book that had been scribbled over beyond recognition. Both sides of the paper so he couldn't make out what was written even with his forensically suited mind. It gave him a bad feeling and left him with so many questions.

He'd wanted to ask John about them, but the other man's cold shoulder made him bristle so much that he started to skip meals just to avoid being in the same room as him. He'd taken food in the lab more often than not.

Work in the lab was slow, but it was a good distraction. He'd set up the distillation station in the other lab with a direct feed from the sink for a constant supply of water. Every few hours, someone had to come and switch out the collection containers before they overflowed. It had substantially increased the rations for drinking water for everyone in the compound, which made most of the adults welcome him as an official part of the 'team'.


In the morning a few days later, Sherlock notices Josie packing up in preparation for something and follows him until he overhears the three men discussing their plans for scouting for foodstuffs. He doesn't interrupt and leaves before being noticed. After returning to his lab, he stays by the window long enough to observe John and the others leaving. He assumes that it will be three hours at minimum and eight maximum (they wouldn't risk returning after the sun goes down).

Any government leaders should know not to send away the two highest ranking 'officials' at the same time. Sherlock won't complain, since it suits him well.

No longer needing the cane for his movement, he makes a quick trip to his room to pick up the diary before seeking out Sarah. She's the one person he knows will wag her tongue with a few kind words which makes her the easiest target for finding a few answer. Like - why would someone go through a diary to mark out long passages? (He'd deduced that the ink used to write the entries is consistent with the pen he'd found in the diary, but the ink used to scribble out key information had been several shades darker.)

[substituteskull]

Sarah is beyond thrilled to have Sherlock's attention and she offers him a small bit of the sweet she'd been eating. Chocolate is a rare commodity and she'd been saving it for some time. Halfway between being an adult and a child, in many ways, Sarah has it harder than either. She's the only person here of her age group. There are three children younger than her and the rest are all much older.

She's been willing to tell him a great deal all ready when he'll let her. She'd been here with her mother, dying of cancer, when the government shut down. While Gabrielle, Andrew and Josie had also all been here since the beginning, Sarah is likely the best possible source Sherlock could ever hope for.

She smiles up at him whether he takes the morsel of chocolate or not, sitting with the plants in the cafeteria where work on the UV removal has already been completed.

"You have Doctor Roderick's diary," she mentions, surprised. "You shouldn't be reading things like that. Gabrielle says it's rude."

[consulting_freak]

Sherlock declines the offer for the chocolate. He's got a bit of a sweet tooth, but the way it's melting in her hands is not appealing to his appetite in any way. He's also under the impression that since she's so young, she's more entitled to having sweets. (Where had thoughts like that come from? Possibly because the only people he's bothered 'befriending' since his arrival have been the children. Funny, that.)

"So you recognise it?" Sherlock replies with an encouraging smile as he takes a seat next to her. It's fairly close and if any of the other adults were to walk by, it would certainly look odd. He has no romantic interest in the girl, though. Regardless of how she feels toward him.

"You're aware of what happened with her," Sherlock says, then he sets the book on his knee with his good hand and opens it up to a 'random' page that has several bits edited out. "Because of of that, I'm reading this as a memoir more than an invasion of privacy." A white lie, but it should make his intentions seem more noble than prying information that's obviously not meant for his eyes. With how fresh the darker ink is, he can only assume that certain information has been redacted with him in mind.

[substituteskull]

"Oh." Sarah turns back to her chocolate. "Well that's all right then," she mentions. "Maybe I'll read it when you're done. I really liked her." 'Likeable' in terms of 'being liked by Sarah' isn't a whole lot of information, but it's something to build off of at least.

She turns again to look at Sherlock and twists her whole body around until she's sitting cross-legged in front of him. Her lips quirk a little.

"But that stuff happens all the time. The suicides, I mean. Well, not since Doctor Roderick. She held out the longest I guess. Gabrielle said that either you learn to live without or you stop wanting to live all together. Some people just give up. I'm not one of those people."

Her smile falters ever so slightly.

"Sorry. Shouldn't speak ill of the dead and all that."

[consulting_freak]

Sherlock turns slightly more toward her, making sure that his body language mirrors hers. It's a way to make it appear that he's open and interested in her and what she has to say. Well, he is very interested in her stories (when they don't end in babbling), but not so much her as a person.

"Here," he tells her when she says she'd like to read the diary. He hands her the book, having already memorised it for the most part. "There's a few spots that someone's marked out. Maybe you could fill in the missing details?"

He's giving her a way to offer him a favour. Much in the same way asking to borrow a pencil from someone can give a lasting increase in affection, so can outwardly asking for favours. It intentionally puts the other person in a position of being the 'good guy' and humans cling to the thought that they're doing good by their own rules.

"You shouldn't think you're speaking ill of anyone when you're merely giving an objective truth." And now, he's putting himself on her side in a personal matter. Really, John should be punching him right about now.

[substituteskull]

He's found it both fascinating and horrifying when Sherlock's put on a sham, but luckily, there's no one there to complain about the inhumanity the other man is using to coax answers out of a girl he knows fancies him. Using people had once been part of the 'not good' John'd often warned him about but lately-- Lately there's so much of this new, unlikeable John to deal with that who knows how true that can actually be any more.

Sarah takes the journal and sets it on her knees, flipping through the pages. "Her handwriting is a little hard to read but... Yeah, probably." She does want Sherlock to like her and this doesn't seem all that wrong.

"Oh, this is about Molly..." Sarah frowns. "She was really nice too. A little weird I guess. She had been watching the infected for awhile before-- Well, it's bad news to keep them. They find a way out. Bash themselves in the doors...or someone does something stupid. Doctor Watson had to shoot her. I think he fancied her a bit when he did it. He was sad for a long time after that."

Her fingers skim a few other pages and she pauses towards the next big second scribbled out and then flips over it as if it's nothing.

"Oh, and here..." She's onto the third redacted section now, looking uncomfortable. "She mentions Thomas so this is probably the-- He did something pretty bad to Gabrielle. That's why we have a no tolerance policy now. Doctor Roderick didn't like it."

[consulting_freak]

Sherlock leans over toward Sarah so he can read over her shoulder. This is not something he's doing intentionally to manipulate the girl. He's genuinely interested in what's written in the book and he wants to follow along with what's written there.

"Molly Hooper," he asks to confirm when Sarah starts speaking about her. So the group had been taking 'live' samples of the infected to study. At least, at first. He's glad that John hasn't given him much time to ask him about his own ideas. He'll devise a way to make sure that the infected don't get out. It can't be that hard with a mind like his. The thought of putting a face he knows and remembers well into the category of infected gives him an unpleasant jolt. A reminder that these things they're dealing with used to be human. Something he's forgotten after dismembering so many of them.

He takes note of the second spot that's been marked out. He'll ask her about it once they get to a point where he's no longer getting new information. What can be 'unimportant' for one person could be very important in the grand scheme of things.

From the context and the way the young girl evades the topic, he can safely assume that the 'something pretty bad' is both violent and sexual in nature. In a world of violence, sex is the only thing that can still be considered 'too much' for youth. And adults do love to keep children in the dark whenever they get a chance. In Sherlock's opinion, it's merely stunting intellectual growth.

"Capital punishment?" Sherlock hazards. Human nastiness begets human nastiness.

But why would these messages be scratched out and hidden from him? What could he learn through this book that he wouldn't be able to deduce with observation?

"What about the next one?" Sherlock asks, reaching down to flip through the pages for her.

[substituteskull]

The next one is a list and Sarah shakes her head before she really looks closely. "Ooh. Oh I think it's the people that died last year when the west wing of the hospital was over run? Or--" It's not actually, and when Sherlock really examines it, he'll see part of an m and a g's little tail after it. Ingredients? No, likely a list of chemicals. "There's a few pages missing so-- I don't know, I'm sorry."

The rest of the cross outs are only glanced over and Sarah can't do much with them. It's mostly names. Or dates. A scribbled out map.

Some of the names she gives Sherlock. At least one she's lying about not knowing. Her guilty tell is remarkable. She might as well have a neon sign advertising it! "It's sad, more than helpful I guess."

[consulting_freak]

Sherlock's patience starts to run thin as the information does. There's something hidden in these pages and he's getting a very good idea of what it is. It's clear that there's been some experimentations going on with the infected - perhaps with non-infected as well. Deliberate dosing with the pathogen in order to test vaccinations perhaps. But why hide it from him when more than one person has mentioned him 'finding a cure' since his arrival.

Finally, when they get to the end of the book, Sherlock takes it from her and opens it to the page where the warning signs of her lying had shone the most.

"I see. What I don't understand is what you think you can gain from deliberately withholding information," he says, no longer using the sugar-coated voice from before. He doesn't take well to being lied to, especially not when it's something this big. He presses his finger over the tell-tale smudge of ink and turns the book toward her. "This. As well as the second large redaction."

[substituteskull]

Sarah doesn't mean to frown. Things had been going so well and frowning at Sherlock seems to be the wrong thing to do, but he's getting angry and she's not a fool enough to ignore that. Her heart just isn't in it any more. Sitting here is too painful.

So she doesn't try to grab the book back. She just stands. "Sometimes it's better to leave things alone," she says, her feet slightly pigeon toeing. Likely out of her own childishness upset. Her eyes dart past Sherlock to the door and then back to him again. "If you really-- Talk to Mr. Murray. He knows a lot more about it than anyone else. I'm sorry. I've got to go. It's my turn on the roof."

[consulting_freak]

Sherlock takes the book and the name she's given him, but he doesn't try to stop her when she leaves. He's irritated that he'd let his own childish frustration get the better of him, but he's nowhere further from the truth after making her upset than he'd been before.

Murray. The name sparks his recollection. Bill Murray. That's why the man's face seemed familiar. He'd met the man once. One of John's old buddies from Afghanistan and out on the expedition of finding more food currently. They don't get along well, but he can handle and manipulate bad blood as easily as he can a girl's fragile heart.

Once he hears her footsteps disappear down to the corridor, Sherlock turns the pages in the diary to the chemical list and tries to make as much sense as he can from it. Next, he looks at the crossed out map. He may not be able to read the labels, but he can deduce where the rooms are.

He pockets the book and starts to make his way to the stairwell. He'll go and have a look around the next level up at some of the rooms John had failed to mention to him during their tour.

[substituteskull]

The three return home with satisfied looks on their faces and only one limping. It's been an exceptionally good trip and even if Josie had fallen down the stairs while running from a group of infected and came back limping, their packs are full and John's planning on going back again tomorrow. There are giant cans of food, some of which are past their expiration, but they can usually tell which is still safe to eat and which they should just toss. The jerky is something he's happiest about and he can't stop grinning as he pulls the injured man up to the portcullis and waits for the people on guard duty to let them in.

"Has Sherlock been out of the lab at all today?" he asks the moment he sees Gabrielle and hands off his pack to her as he continues to take the injured man to the medical lab for an examination to be on the safe side.

She grins and shakes her head. John just rolls his eyes.

Of course, they have to pass the lab to get to his own and Sherlock isn't actually in there. Bathroom break? John tells himself it doesn't matter and tends instead to his injured man.

The whole of their little part of the hospital is abuzz when Sherlock emerges from the chemical supply closet, well stocked and carefully hidden. John's brought back food. No wonder he's their leader.

[consulting_freak]

Sherlock had lost track of time in his exploration upstairs. He'd meant to do a preliminary examination of the area, make a few deductions about things, and then go back downstairs with no one the wiser. But, he'd been first distracted by a rather extravagant barricade leading to the west wing of the hospital.

Sarah had mentioned the west wing had gotten overrun, but he doesn't hear anything from the other side of the barrier. Not a living (or unliving) soul.

He'd messed with a few of the objects blocking the way, but he couldn't do much with a broken arm.

He'd found where they kept spare weapons, including several live grenades and enough C4 to blow the hospital off the map (in case of an extreme emergency, he guesses). He'd also found the main food storage. Most importantly, he'd found the chemical storage area in the very last corner of the floor farthest from the stairs and tucked away past an ominous looking ransacked room.

That's where his time had gone. And he finds himself still looking through each label carefully. He'd found a plastic bin in the barricade and he's filling it up with every solvent, metal, salt, and whatever else he can get his hands on. As the lead chemist of the facilities, he's feeling both betrayed and irritated that no one - John - had thought to tell him about this.

Feeling that he's done something They don't want him to be doing, he takes a detour on his way back to his lab. Stealth is the key and avoiding to be seen is imperative. It's something he's always been fairly good at, so he uses those skills in order to make it back to his lab where he can temporarily hide his haul in drawer at the secondary lab bench. The same one the stool he'd been using at first usually stands in front of. Once finished with that, he takes out a few slides he'd already looked at and pretends to be observing them under the microscope for when someone comes to retrieve him.

[substituteskull]

John again. Tray in hand. He's showered and collected something for them both to eat. Bill hadn't been happy to see John going, but sometimes Bill is just a little too intense and as much as John owes the man his life for dragged him into the pit after he'd been shot, he's been wanting to hit him a lot lately. It's better this way. And John is starting to feel homesick for the first time since the mess came.

No. Since Sherlock jumped from the roof. Sherlock had saved him just as clearly as Bill did, but in a very different sort of way.

"Are you busy or can you have some bean soup with me? We've some bread as well, fresh made. No milk, but the powdered creamer works fairly well." He's not good at small talk with Sherlock. They've always just fell into easy patterns but John can't blame Sherlock for this one.

This bed is his own doing.

"I thought we could talk."

[consulting_freak]

Funny how it's as soon as Sherlock's starting to feel the most betrayed by John that the other man seeks him out for the first time in almost a week. He doesn't look up from his microscope when he clearly hears John enter the room. Right now, he doesn't really trust what his face might give away.

It's about 'powdered creamer' that Sherlock finally moves his head away from the oculars and allows himself to look at John. Sherlock probably looks tired. Still somewhat upset, too.

"You're babbling, John," he tells him as he clicks the switch to turn the microscope off. He'll leave the slide in place since it won't cause any damage to the instrument. No one's likely to come in here without his express permission after he'd blown up at the youngest boy for doing just that after the fact. (He'd also proven he could do 'magic' in terms of observation and deduction that morning.)

Babbling and awkward. He still gestures with his good hand toward an empty spot on the lab bench. It's an invitation for John to sit down and an acceptance of the offer of a hot meal. He'd skipped lunch that day and no one had thought to deliver food without John there to worry over it.

"I think talking would be good. I have a few things I need to address as well; but since you brought it up, you go first," he tells him with a few of his defences up in place. It's how they'd been when they first lived together in that strange period where they were just starting to become real friends.

[substituteskull]

He hadn't been babbling but this needs to end and so he lets Sherlock get his sharp words in. Being patient had always been just the thing when dealing with Sherlock and John's needed these few days, and this afternoon's win, to get him back into that mindset. Worrying about losing Sherlock again would help no one.

He sets out the two plates carefully so as not to spill anything and takes up his spoon before he can collect his thoughts entirely. It occurs to him that this part isn't necessary. Sherlock can, and will, fill in the details he glosses over for when he actually starts to babble.

"Nothing stopped when you died," he tells the other man over the steam, not looking up. "I thought it might, but it just kept coming. I thought the morgue was the worst bit. But the funeral-- You'll be happy to note that I gave Mycroft a black eye at it--" Sherlock probably knows. Sherlock might have even been there to watch John try not to fall apart. John bites down his anger at that. "Right, so I did my best to visit your grave. To tie up your loose cases. Managed to get DI Les--" And how easy it is to just say his name sometimes!

John clears his throat and drops the unused spoon.

"The point is, I keep treating you as if you're dead. I need to apologize for that. I don't-- What I mean to say is that--" John lowers his head. "I'm just glad you're here."

[consulting_freak]

Sherlock stands near the microscope until John's sitting down with his soup. He doesn't feel like taking a seat just yet, but he hasn't gotten restless enough to start pacing, either. As John expects, Sherlock is able to piece a lot of John's story together that he's not saying in words. Gestures, where his eyes fall, and his own memory. He had attended his funeral, unnoticed and in the corner, dressed as an elderly homeless woman. So out of the way no one had made 'her' leave.

As John's words - briefer than he'd expected - come to a close, Sherlock takes the seat offered him at the beginning. He picks up his spoon, but he doesn't eat just yet.

Things hadn't been easy for him, either. He'd pretty much lost everything when he jumped from that rooftop. Including John. Sure, he knew he was alive, but that only lasted for a few months before he lost touch with his contacts in London. Afterwards, there'd always been the not knowing. Sometimes dark moods came to him, as they'd always done, and he'd think to himself that he was doing all of this for nothing and that John would be dead by the time they could reunite. He won't say any of this to John, at least not in so many words. He's not the type to dwell on past suffering.

"I'm glad you're here, too," Sherlock says after too long of twiddling his spoon and looking at his untouched soup. "And, I don't think a week of being ignored is enough to tip the scales in my favour."

He dips the spoon into the beans and takes the first bite. Communion. Isn't that what John's offered him?

Now, it's his turn to talk. "I think someone here is trying to hide something very big from me, John. Do you know anything about it?" Sherlock asks him and for the first time since sitting down, he looks directly at his friend. John, you won't lie to me, will you?

[substituteskull]

Ah, so this. John sets down his spoon and frowns at Sherlock. "I didn't want you in our supply closets," John says immediately, missing the point of what Sherlock had been getting at. "I am very well aware of your habits and we simply do not have all the supplies in the world for you to use them at your fancy."

Strangely, John feels better about coming clean on this respect. Walking on eggshells around a man perfectly capable of discovering all of his sordid past can easily figure out that he's been trying to hide their supplies.

"Now don't be cross about that and don't say that I'm working on three year old information. I'll make sure you've access to everything you need, but I don't want you latching on an idea about how to properly clean the vegetables using all the rest of our petrol!"

He's exaggerating, and not just for effect. Sherlock's genius, and his boredom, have let him to odd but amazing discoveries.

Sherlock's stoic face, however, draws John back. "That's not what you meant," he voices out loud. "What... Are you thinking on?"

[consulting_freak]

Sherlock doesn't so much as look over at his secret haul from the supplies closet. He'd only taken the items that hadn't been given to him so he'll have access to them. He doesn't have any plans for extracurricular experimentation for the moment, but he's also not fighting boredom yet.

It's easy for him to see that John's convinced that the 'something big' is just the chemical stores. Sherlock had known the supplies existed, even before stumbling across it this afternoon, so it seems an awfully mundane and small matter.

"I've already been upstairs and I've taken what you failed to mention having," he says plainly. And, as John's notice, his face is still very serious.

The diary is on his person. He slips his hand into his breast pocket (why yes, he'd had his hunting coat cleaned) and removes the smallish book. He sets it down on the lab bench between their bowls of soup. "Someone redacted quite a bit of information - ink was fresh when I found it. Less than six hours old. Most death accounts were redacted as well as one page listing dosing details. Several pages after that were completely torn out. What I don't understand is why leave the diary in my possession yet bother to remove so much detail?"

[substituteskull]

Roderick's diary. Now, it's John's turn to have any good will, or any annoyance at Sherlock's not-quite-thievery be replaced by that coldness again. He'd taken it from the doctor's room just after she died, not to have passes crossed out or pages removed, but to keep it from everyone else. To keep it for himself. Some of the accounts--

Slowly, John turns pages that Sherlock's fingers have recently rifled through. He knows each of the pages by heart and to see them scratched out just gets him angry. It's strange to watch John's face be so devoid of any feeling at all, especially when he gets to the second passage even Sarah wouldn't discuss.

His blood just runs cold and he wipes his hand across his lips. There's no sign of a tremour. With a precise hand, he snaps the diary closed and hands it back to Sherlock.

"Don't ask me, Sherlock. And don't go looking for answers. This isn't a case. If you need one of those, how about a cure? Or if not that, a way to keep ourselves alive when the food invariably runs out? Or even a way to stretch out drug supplies."

He's not trying to be closed off. He's trying not to be hurt.

[consulting_freak]

Sherlock watches John's face more than the book as he looks through the diary. He's already got everything that's legible memorised enough to be able to recreate it word for word, so he doesn't need to look down at all. John's face tells him a lot. It says that John's offended someone's defaced this diary, so he hadn't known about it before Sherlock's just showed him. That's troubling on a different level, since John is supposed to be an authority figure and these things are happening right under his nose without him so much as getting a whiff.

Again, it's the second redaction that has the strongest reaction. Sherlock's eyebrows furrow when John closes himself and the book up before he can get the answers.

"This is being hidden from me personally, John. I want to know why and I will find the answers. With or without your help," Sherlock tells him coolly as he takes the diary back from his friend. It's soured the mood between them all over again, and it's sparked his interest even further.

John should know that when Sherlock takes an interest in something, it becomes an obsession. It's how he'd always treated cases as well as experiments.

"A cure can wait until I've solved this." He's serious with that. As for the drug supplies, that's easy enough to remedy. All he needs is the right solvents and reagents and he can recreate most of the pharmaceuticals they'd need for survival. (The only thing he'd need is the 3D image of the molecule for that.)